Marriage is a huge part of a girl’s life. It not only marks the beginning of the onset of responsibilities and maturity but also is the first step towards building a family. In our part of the world, unlike the West, marriages happen between families rather than individuals. Like the popular saying goes, marriage is a family affair.
She’s going to be a huge part of your new life:
Newly married girls often find themselves in a confused situation – the responsibilities and suddenly having to be a perfect new bride can be overwhelming. A huge part of adapting to your new life, is getting to know your in-laws. Let’s face it, soap operas and stereotypes over the years have portrayed mother-in-laws as the quintessential monster, ready to wreak havoc in your married life. But the truth is hardly that. Though mother-in-laws can be difficult at times, here are a few key points to remember that will make it easier for both you and your mother-in-law to get along with each other.
Get to know her:
She’s the first woman in your man’s life. She’s also probably the one who knows him best. Talk to her, spend some time discussing neutral things so you get an idea of how she sees things. This will also help you understand her perspective on stuff and what you should do more often with her and what you should avoid. It helps to remember that she may not always approve of things you do. Sometimes it may be your clothing, sometimes your way of doing things. To avoid nasty confrontations later, have frank conversations with each other so you can meet halfway on necessary subjects.
A lot of women subconsciously compare their mother-in-law to their mothers. This does have varied effects. Though looking at her and respecting her as a motherly figure in your new life will help to an extent, expecting her to do all the things your mother did for you, will not. Your mother is your mother, and no one is going to love you as unconditionally as she does. If your MIL is kind and helpful to you, it’s a blessing, if she isn’t, don’t judge her.
Go on girls trips together:
This one’s a winner!Go out for lunch or take her on a short trip. Get to know each other’s fun side and make some memories of your own.
You could also take her shopping and buy her something she likes. Be sincere about this and don’t make it seem like you’re trying to buy her affection.
Respect the family :
If there’s one thing no woman likes, it is someone disrespecting or disregarding her family. Be respectful towards your MIL and FIL and their relatives. May I add here, be especially nice to their relatives and friends. Keep up appearances in public even if things aren’t all that rosy inside. There’s nothing as low as washing dirty linen in public.
I want it my way:
Two women can hardly agree on something, unless they’re sword friends. If you and your MIL are living under the same roof there will be times when you have to plan meals, outings or set schedules. Chances are, she’s used to doing things in a different way than you and you wouldn’t want to do things in any other way. Avoid bickering and set up boundaries and meeting grounds for various things.
Stop finding fault :
Of course there will be days when there are divided opinions. You can’t really argue with her or expect her to change. It would be foolish if you did. She’s lived a longer life than you have and is hardly going to change at this point , even if she wanted to. Make peace with this fact and don’t expect overnight miracles.
Accept that she’s going to be in your life, and you in hers for quite some time to come.
When you think about the amount of time you have to spend with someone, it usually helps to keep relations cordial, more so when you’re going to be living with them or running into them often.
Think of it like the workplace. You have some people you get along with, some people that you don’t. But you can’t really be at each other throats because of the environment. If nothing else, you need to run into each other often, so its best to keep relations polite and formal if not doting and dutiful. Marriage isn’t child’s play but when your mother-in-law is on your side, things get much more pleasant and relieving. Think of all the good things you can do together in future like planning family occasions together and going on family trips.
Thank God for in-laws:
You’re going to be a mother one day and have beautiful children. Grandparents are the first friends a child has, and possibly the closest. Don’t ruin it for your children and their grandparents by having relations turn sour between you two. Think of all the babysitting help you’ll get 🙂
Getting along with your mother-in-law well isn’t difficult. Yes, there may be off days but remember that she’s someone who’s already been where you are right now. She’s also the person who’s brought up the man in your life and made him into the wonderful person he is. With a little love and patience you can surely win her over. After all, the rest of your lives together are quite a long time!
Author – Rachel Vera